John Stag 05/05/2006

Set up the sat nav and drove to Butlins, without even looking at a map. My plan to get a quick swim in failed as the pool was closed, so met up with, Mike, Neil, Stuey and Phil in the upstairs chalet for a beer. We went into the complex to meet the others then there was a splitting off, me and Neil went straight into the Irish Pub the Swinging Shelailigh. What we thought was a hen night started to talk to us, but they turned out to be a women's rugby team, who normally go around with blow up animals attached to them. The Karaoke had seen better performers, so we left them to it and moved onto the bowling. We had a game but the balls all seem to have really tiny finger holes except for the heaviest so I struggled a bit getting one of my worst scores ever, but luckily Neil witts beat me into last place. John's two cousins joined us at this point and added their resources to the whip. We went on then to the Centre Stage were we proceeded to consume a few vodka shots and drinks beer out of jugs. We watched 2 unlimited and then the guy Bez from the Happy Mondays, he basically had a DJ behind him whilst he jumped about on stage and mumbled stuff you couldn't hear into a microphone. The crowd seemed to love him though. 05/05/2006 Up early and off to paintball, I got a lift with Neil and wasn't feeling too bad. Got all our kit on then were seperated off into two teams with other young blokes from butlins. The stag and best man were on the opposite team. The first game we defended a castle agaianst a team that could not be killed, if shot they just went back to base and wiped their paint off. Nevertheless. I was the last to die and we held out to within two minutes of the maximum. When it was our turn to storm we took the castle quite quickly me and Stuey got up to the wall then I took out the two that got Stuey. We then did a more traditional capture the flag type course with many barrocades. Then a final more wooded course. In each game my team was victorius, and I never got shot the whole day which was a result, the same can't be said of Neil and John who had to run the gauntlet of unused paintballs. Back then to Butlins as it had started to rain so was not really golfing weather. Johny, Stuey, Phil and one of John's cousins came with us to the central pool, we had a number of goes on the rafting ride, and a few goes on the toilet bowl, Stuey achieved 3 revolutions and I managed 4 that sent an awful lot of water up the nose. I then showered in the swimming pool showers to avoid clogging up the chalet showers but this meant I missed playing football with the guys. Got ready and then off out to the pizza place, were we got pretty good service and were also created by the sight of two 6 foot inflatable penises taking up chairs in the restaurant. On then to the Jumpin Jacks bar which would eventually be the last to close. We had some vodka shots and met Fred Flinstone and his mates. Back then to the centre play pool and a few video games in the bowling area. Obviously a few vodka shots were consumed as well. After this it was the turn of the reds disco. I know Neil requested something off the DJ but am not sure if it got played. Jon Luik caused a bit of a storm when we made him take the shirt off he had put over his stag t-shirt. In the ensuing commotion, my camera was knocked out of my hand and I had to retire to the chalet and get a backup. By this time we were starting to feel the effects though not so much as Supergirl who was not so much a women of steel as a woman of playdough. Thinks started to go alittle pear shaped after that I lost the others I believe a nameless casualty had to be carried home. I was feeling very unwell at 4am in the morning and it was some time before I would enter the room until I could be sure I would not be unwell. 06/05/2006 Woke up in reasonable state of health, just as well no one was an early riser. Skipped breakfast and we all checked out and drove to a pitch and putt course. Unfortunately it was a bit posh and they gave me a funny putter, which took a bit of getting used to, I don't think my general well being was helping me concentrate on the game either, so Neil was a very easy winner.